Once a Man Hits a Woman He Will Continue

Philippines

February 27, 2010 7:00am CST

I heard this one from one of the commentators on television, and I was wondering if it's really true. I am not married yet, and neither do I know anyone in my family or relatives who were known to be hitting their wives. I would just like to know if it's factual.

37 responses

• United States

13 May 10

Well, I've been with my husband for over eight years and we've been married for almost six years now. He has hit me a grand total of one time in the entire time that we've known each other and if I must say so myself, I actually provoked it out of him. We'd been having a very rough patch with his health and such and I was trying to be selfish. Since that day he has been nothing but apologetic for it, he says that he really wasn't himself and he feels terribly about it. He has assured me that it will never happen again and I'm inclined to believe him.

• Philippines

14 May 10

Should he hit you again, what are you plans?

• Philippines

18 Sep 10

It could also be another excuse of the man abusing the wife, ".. you provoked me that's why it happened!"... i really personally do not think of it that way. no matter what the reason is, no justification can ever excuse the man for hitting a woman. That should not happen! You are a brave woman, dorannmwin and you have a very kind heart! So forgiving! .. i admire you! :) I wish you and your husband the best of everything!

• United States

14 May 10

Oh, if it ever happens again, that is it and he knows it. I told him that one time is shame on him, twice is shame on me and I am done. I've not shared what happened with anyone but one of my closest friends, but I know that if anything should happen, the door at my mother's house is always open and that would be where I would turn.

• United States

27 Feb 10

There is abuse all down my family line. My grandmother was abused, my mother was abused, and my sister was abused, all by their men. I've seen it again and again. If he does it once, he can (and probably will) do it again, no matter how many times he promises he won't. This is true to hitting, cheating, neglecting, and any other things he does. This also applies to women. If she hits you once, she will probably hit you again. If she cheats ones, she will probably do it again.

• Philippines

28 Feb 10

Hmmm.. So how would you know if he's a hitter or not?

• Philippines

28 Feb 10

Plus, hmmm. I'm really wondering why that happens in your family. I mean, certainly the women in your family didn't marry the same man or men in the same bloodline, right? Is it perhaps the problem of the females in your family? Bad choice of men? or perhaps just a tongue that makes the men hurt them. If you know what I mean?

• United States

28 Feb 10

Actually, it's because the women in my family are easily fooled and they are pushovers. They trust too easily. I know exactly what you're implying. You are wrong. Women of my family generally grow up short (around 5'2", almost uniform) and physically weak (by strength, not health). In short, we are the perfect targets. So one marries an abusive man and has his child, and then that child is abused as a kid and takes the rein for the same cycle. Fooled by the same lies, abused in the same way, and passes it on. We are a weak bunch, but we're growing stronger. At least in my case, I'm asexual. I won't fall for it simply because I don't care for the game in the first place. As for knowing if he's a hitter, he's proven he is if he's done it once. The problem isn't knowing if he hits, it is knowing if he can stop himself from doing it again. I know there are a (very rare) few who hit once and never do it again, and if you think you have that man then go ahead and give him a second chance. Never, EVER give a third chance, though. Third chance is the way you get stuck in the cycle.

•

28 Feb 10

As a therapist I have had women clients who's partners have beat them. It is mostly true that once it starts it continues. It is usually down to the fact the the man or the woman, or both have watched their parents having a violent relationship and subconsciously come to expect that in their own relationship. Many of my clients have told me that they have watched their parents hitting each other. Whilst they did not like being hit, they just had this strong tendency to stay with their violent partners. _Derek

• Philippines

3 Mar 10

Oh thank you very much for sharing, at least now I could choose to avoid men who's family was violent for fear that the family has poisoned his ideas as well. It's sad that there are men or women who could tolerate such things.

• United States

1 Mar 10

It's rare that anyone physically strikes another in malice that it doesn't happen again. You see, behind the blow is the mindset inherent in such individuals which tells them they're allowed to do it, that such a response is acceptable--if provoked "enough" (always defined by the hitter), rather than just choose to walk away while angry, cool down, & then talk about one's feelings. So if he or she* does it once, you can safely bet the farm that sometime, it will happen again. Maggiepie "WHERE'S THE real BIRTH CERTIFICATE?" * Yes--women are abusers, too. Worse, it's not nearly as reported, as men feel ashamed.

• Australia

1 Mar 10

When a man hit his wife or partner [ no matter whats the reason] he will hit you again sooner or later and after the second time it will become a common every day life!saddly people become used to be abussed and they get very good at hiding it from friends and family. Until one day something dreadful happens. Abuse scalates it never get better, the sad truth is a lot of people ignore that fact.

• Philippines

18 Sep 10

i certainly agree with you.

• South Africa

27 Feb 10

Yes, he definatey will. If he did it once, nothing will stop him from doing it again. We see it everyday. Sometimes i wish i can have a go at men like that. They won't take on other men, so maybe a good hiding from a women will make them stop.

• United States

1 Mar 10

I'm very good at taking care of myself. I know how to avoid relationships with abusive people. They do give you signals, if you know what to look for. I'll never have to worry about marrying an abusive spouse. On the off chance that anyone did hit me, they'd be gone as of that minute, & yes, I've known people who physically fought their abusers. My step-dad abused Mom & me. He stopped abusing me when I crowned him with my big, heavy wooden art board one day. He looked so surprised! And he never struck me again. Ever. You have to stand up to bullies, or suffer. Mom stayed, though, When I grew old enough, I left. Maggiepie "WHERE'S THE real BIRTH CERTIFICATE?"

• Canada

27 Feb 10

I have heard the same thing. It is said that once a man hits you once, he will do it again. From my own experience I can tell you that this is true. Is the man predestined to hitting his spouse? Is their a cure for domestic violence or is it just life? In my own opinion, their is no excuse for abuse but a mere lack of respect, be it self respect that disallows for respect towards anyone else, so it seems. It so happened that I got myself into a relationship, that at first was all good. It is hard to determine when all that changed but I got my azz whipped and for no real reason to justify the abuse at the hands of a lover. They say it takes two to tangle and so it does but still, there is not one reason for a disagreement to escalate to violence. Turns out, the next girlfriend this guy had was hit by him also. What drives a man to succumb to hitting his spouse? What attracts a woman to man capable of falling out of control to the point they become violent? All very good questions, which answer go into a depth beyond this discussion. I agree with the statement that When a man Hits You Once, He Will Hit You Again. Just as there are reasons a man will do this, there are real reasons why a woman will be attracted to such a man. I believe however, that the issues that bring about behavior within both are able to be overcome. Reasons, rooted deep within, that takes time to assess, manage and overcome.

• Canada

5 Mar 10

Children most certainly do. The odd part is that I didn't detect family violence when I met his parents. Although his mom was rather meek, quiet as a mouse most of the time so who knows what goes on behind those closed doors. Usually there is family history, yes. Thank you for your comment.

• Orangeville, Ontario

28 Feb 10

Very well said. As I said in my response, there is usually some family history involved - he was abused growing up or he witnessed his father treating his mother like that and believed it was okay. Children learn what they live.

• Malaysia

28 Feb 10

I hate women beaters. They are beasts and the family law should penalize them heavily so they won't lay their hands on women again. It is true once a beater it becomes a habitual affair. man will do it again if the woman keep quite and suffer silently. No man has the right to beat his wife. It is a crime like any other crimes that needs the intervention of the law. They should not take the law into their own hands. Only a heavy sentence would teach them a good lesson and to respect women. One of my great disappointments about women is their generally lackadaisical attitude towards their own rights. Too many seem to think that to seek legal redress is too 'unfeminine' which simply buys into men's ideas of beating is non violence so made it a habit to swing their strong arms on women when angered.

• Philippines

3 Mar 10

Whew! There's justice for you! It's ridiculous how politicians and lawmakers meddle so much with little affairs but can't do something about crimes that are obvious and repeated. Poor woman.

• United States

17 Mar 10

Not if I can get my knife out before he hits me the second time LOL

• Philippines

7 Apr 10

Hmmmm... So you won't leave him the first time?

• United States

27 Feb 10

Unfortunately that's probably true. If a man can't control his temper enough to not strike a woman once then I don't really think that he's all that stable of a guy. I don't really know a whole lot of guys that could seriously hit a woman and I would tell any woman that was struck by a man to get away from him because you don't really know what a person with a bad temper is capable of sometimes.

• Orangeville, Ontario

28 Feb 10

That's right. Why wait until the second time to see if it is "habitual"? The second time could be fatal.

• United States

28 Feb 10

By the way, men are not the only abusers. Women often beat their husbands, too, and get away with it. One woman, would was five feet two inches tall used to beat her six foot five inch husband WITH A BELT, on a regular basis. The reasons were always dumb, but just like women who are abused, he kept thinking it was all his fault for making her angry!

• Philippines

3 Mar 10

Oh yeah, my bad for forgetting that there are abusive women too. My uncle was also abused by his wife. She would often abuse him emotionally since his business failed. She could even dare date other men in front of him, and still he would keep quiet. I'm just afraid that someday while she's sleeping, she'll wake up in the afterlife. God forbid. Similarly, I have a friend right now who seems to see her husband as a slave. Oh I hope she doesn't abuse his kind nature.

• India

27 Feb 10

It is the weakness in a man that prompts them to do that and it has nothing to do with his lack of love for his spouse. Dont the children get hit by their parents and do they love them any less. Not all men will resort to this but a few would. To write them off therefore would be folly. One should move away when there are signs that he would. I have known such cases and the 'after the storm comes the calm and after the calm comes the sunshine' atmosphere would be so beautiful that the wife concerned would get more than her share of apologies and even gifts. So dont see much into it unless if the man is violent and is a habitual wife beater where counselling is called for.

• Philippines

28 Feb 10

I know what you mean. Habitual wife beater would certainly be something to be worried about, but what if, it's just a few years of marriage and you got hit by your husband/partner, is that a symptom of something worst?

• India

28 Feb 10

It depends on the circumstances. More often than not they are angry with themselves and react the way they do.One needs to see what follows, in that whether he is apologetic and makes amends. One cannot categorically state what is serious and what is not. One needs to keep a close watch and the spouse concerned could be the only one who could do that as this is a personal matter. Each case is unique and needs a unique approach.

• United States

28 Feb 10

You shouldn't put up with getting hit by your partner EVER. If they hit you in anger then it's time for you to get out. It does not matter if they apologize afterwards or not. It WILL escalate. They all apologize, at first and then when it's clear you'll stay it'll be your fault that they're beating you. Abuse is abuse and if you are with someone who is doing it then you need to get out and away from that.

• United States

27 Feb 10

Yes he will I have never been hit by a man but my dad used to hit my mom when he was drunk. Which was quite often. There is never a reason for a man to hit a woman. Even if he hits you once and then starts crying or something and swears he will never do it again do not believe him. One time is too many times. Yes the wife or girlfriend will give him another chance because they love him and can't believe he would ever cause them harm. How many times have we seen on the news husbands and boyfriends kill their wives and girlfriends. Even when they do get away sometimes they are still not safe. Please everyone if you are in that situation get out your life is more important. And there is a lot more help for battered wives and girlfriends then back when it was happening to my mom. I am glad this has never happened to you. I hope it never does. No one deserves it.

• Orangeville, Ontario

28 Feb 10

I takes a very strong woman to walk away. It took me several years and actually I was not the one who left. He did because he knew what he was doing was wrong (doubt he got help though), and I never believed it was my fault and would never EVER let a guy lay a hand on me again.

• Philippines

28 Feb 10

i think there's a grain of truth to that. i did a lot of stories on home violence and documented how men who hit their wives always do it more than once. even counseling proved to be unsuccessful in addressing this home malaise that also hurts the children and rocks the foundation of the family. men have no right to hit their wives. but some cultures allow the practice as disciplining a wife. for me, it's wrong to hit a woman, especially when she is your wife.

• Philippines

18 Sep 10

Well, yes, this statement is in fact, TRUE. Whatever his justification for doing it, but the reality is if a man hits you, he has a very bad temper and he cannot control his temper. There is always a tendency and the probability of him doing it again is very, very high. If he hits you once, why would he not hit you again? Think about it. :(

• United States

28 Feb 10

Yes, yes, and yes! If a man hits you before you marry and can get away from him, do you think he will change after the ceremony? My girlfriend found out the hard way. Her boyfriend hit her because he didn't like the lipstick she chose. She married him. Three years later, she was running for her life and her baby's. He beat her on a regular basis and she blamed herself as most victims of this particular crime do. But, when he decided to beat a helpless two-year old, she ran as far from him as she could and got a divorce - fast.

• Puerto Rico

28 Feb 10

Sad to say but it's a fact that once a man hits you that first time it will continue unless you put your foot down the first time. (for me once and he is gone) If a man is putting his hands on you he will not stop till you leave him. A man who beats up a women is insecure, weak and a coward as far as I'm concerned. They would never consider beating up on a guy but a women they will because they can overpower.

• United States

3 Mar 10

For some "males" this type of behavior is in their minds a right, justified, normal and/or how they show love and affection. BY NO MEANS DOES THIS MAKE IT RIGHT AT ALL! And yes if U have a physically abusive b/f, father, husband or lover then, HE WILL BE THAT WAY UNTIL HE KILLS U OR U KILL HIM. Children; especially males who see their moms abused either grow-up to be ABUSERS OR GET ABUSED by their MATE(s) conitnueing the cycle.

• India

14 May 10

Hi, I don't have any such person in my family either. But we were once living on rent when our own house was being reconstructed. There we had a neighbor who bit his wife. Its not that his wife was a bad person or something. On the contrary she was quite a calm and gentle lady. They had a child, a little girl, who, unfortunately having a disturbed childhood. This man I am talking about was into some sort of addiction. I don't know for sure what kind of addiction it was, but it surely brought him on the verge of insanity. I wonder how his wife is still putting up with such a person. The last time I saw him it seemed that his condition had slightly improved. But nothing can be said for certain. Cause of domestic violences of this sort is more related to the environment and mental frame of the oppressor. Some very fundamental quality motivates a person in carrying out violent things quite instinctively. Not many people are genetically violent. All the others were subjected to some childhood abuse, rejection of some sort, were exposed to unkind and cruel acts when they were vulnerable. These incidents leave a permanent setback in their minds. Often a person whose parents had some serious dispute and history of domestic violence is likely to reproduce the whole or part of it in his own life. More generally speaking, these people, who in my notion are actually suffering from serious mental anomalies, can be brought to normalcy by thorough psychological treatment. In today's world its not just the men who hits their wives. I heard so many cases where the situation was just the opposite. Being afraid of an ill-tempered wives people often stay most of the time outdoors. I have actually seen many cases where men are afraid to let their parents stay with their wives who at times may get too violent not to go on rampaging every other family members. So this is clearly not about gender at all. It is rather, dependent on individual psychological traits. Thanks God bless you

• United States

27 Feb 10

I honestly wish I could say that people can change but with experience from myself, my sister and my mom (all three of us have been in at least one abusive relationship) it seems that people don't change. A lot of times the person who is the abuser has something wrong in their head - they may not know it and it might not always be visible but when they become violent it's like a spark went off in their brain and there is no talking sense into them. All three of us have been in a relationship like this and all three of us stayed with these people for years because they always said they were sorry and they would change - but they never did. It becomes good for a while and then it happens again. It's a vicious, dangerous circle that should be avoided if possible.

• Philippines

28 Feb 10

Hmmm.. Hopefully you and your sister and mom have left these guys. Have you? Further, how would you know it's in their personality to hit? How many times before you could definitely say he's a habitual beater?

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Source: https://www.mylot.com/post/2263621/when-a-man-hits-you-once-he-will-hit-you-again

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